Growing Through the Pain
From a gambling addiction as a young person to meeting God in a pub toilet, through ministry burnout to the shock loss of a beloved child, it’s fair to say that Envoy Andrew McKerrow has been through the ringer. However, today he’s loving life, grateful for the joy his precious family brings him, fulfilled in ministry and service, and above all else, enjoying a depth of relationship with God he didn’t know was possible.
Andrew McKerrow just cannot get away from Belfast! His story weaves in and out and around the Christchurch suburb he was born and bred in. Despite multiple attempts to ‘escape’ Belfast, Andrew now accepts it’s where God wants him.
‘When I met my wife Kim, she was living three doors down from the house I grew up in, and now, the church we lead (Christchurch North Corps) is also on the same street. I’m back where I started,’ laughs Andrew.
Typical…
Andrew explains that Belfast was quite a different place during his childhood to what it is today. ‘Belfast was your typical freezing-worker town then—that’s what defined it. We used to call it “Smell-fast” because it was so stinky from the two big freezing works and the wool scour just down the road.’
Growing up in the 1970s and 80s, Andrew describes his dad as ‘your typical rugby, racing and beer’ man.
‘Dad’s patterns were work hard, and when you were finished work, head down to the local pub. He’d be there on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, and then there’d be the races and placing bets on the weekend. When I look back it wasn’t typical, but it felt normal, to me anyway. It’s all I knew.’
Andrew was the local paperboy and would stop off and play the pokies along his route. There were no gambling age restrictions at that time and pokie machines were in hamburger bars and even some fish and chip shops.
‘Dad and I began to fight a lot. I was about 12 or 13 when it escalated, and I started looking for my own coping mechanism to deal with that. When I was 14, the woman who ran the TAB would let me sneak in the back and place a bet. But it was the pokies that were my poison. When I was 16, I had already lost a job because I was stealing from my employer and gambling at lunch time. I don’t recall many days between the age of 13 to 20 when I didn’t gamble.’
Are you done?
As well as gambling, addiction to alcohol was strong in Andrew’s family, and he followed suit. One morning Andrew was at the pub, having spent the money for his rent on the pokies the night before.
‘I walked into the bathroom and just had this crazy encounter with Jesus. I didn’t see it coming and I had no context for it really. All of a sudden there was this voice in my head, and it just asked this one question, “Are you done?” And it just completely shattered me because I knew I was. And so I said, “I am done”. I didn’t know God, but I knew I was talking to God.’
In the moments that followed, God showed Andrew a vivid picture of a beautiful car wrapped around a tree. Andrew was standing beside the twisted wreck full of shame.
‘God said, “That’s your life, Andrew. You think you’ve damaged it so badly that it’s no good to anyone and can’t be repaired. But I’m asking you to give me your life and trust me to fix it up and do something good with it.”’
Andrew was stunned and fell to his knees. ‘I said to God, “Okay”. I didn’t know what it all meant, but I knew I’d met God.’
The very next day, Andrew met a recovering gambler at the bus stop, who invited him to a support group. Andrew worked hard at his recovery, but about a year later he found himself feeling empty and alone.
‘I wasn’t gambling anymore, which was a huge achievement, but I was spending so much time and effort focusing on not doing this one thing. I wondered, is this my life now? God’s little voice inside me seemed to be saying “Andrew, you weren’t just set free from something. You were set free for something. There’s a reason for all this.” I wanted to know what that was! I thought, the answer must be at church.’
Friday in Belfast
Years before, when Andrew was about eight years old, he had attended Sunday school for a while.
‘Mum shipped my brothers and I off to this crazy Sunday school—there were about 100 kids there. It was run by a soldier from St Albans Salvation Army, and that Sunday school was the church plant that became Belfast Corps.’
Later, during his years as a paperboy, Andrew met a couple who would give him orange juice and a biscuit if he brought the paper to the door.
‘Gwen and Bob just loved me. I knew they went to church because of the stuff on the walls, but they never preached to me. After Bob died and I was going through all the stuff that was ruining my life, I would drop in to see Gwen. She was a safe space for me. When I turned up asking her if she would take me to church, she nearly died of shock! It just so happened that she went to the Belfast Corps.’
Within two years, Andrew was a follower of Jesus and knee-deep in youth work.
‘I was loving life—like, this whole Christian thing was cool! For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t feel like I needed a relationship to validate me. So I said, “Okay God, there’s all this cool stuff for us to do together, so if I’m meant to meet someone it must be by Friday, otherwise, I’m shutting the door to all that and getting on with it.” It was a naïve and weird thing to pray! Little did I know, Kim was praying the exact same thing! Her daughter was coming to youth group, so we met that Friday in Belfast.’
Within five months, Andrew and Kim were married. Kim brought three beautiful girls to the relationship—Kayla, Crystal and Ruby—and a few years later, their son, Jesse, was born. It wasn’t long before the idea of officership was put before the couple.
I am with you
‘I just wanted to do whatever God wanted,’ says Andrew. ‘So I was totally open to it.’
Andrew and Kim spent two years at Booth College of Mission, training to become Salvation Army officers. Their first appointment was at Foxton Corps, where they served for two fulfilling years. A new appointment saw the family move to Whanganui. It was a very challenging season and while they saw God do some incredible things, five years later Andrew and Kim were burnt out and their marriage was in trouble. Andrew returned to Belfast alone.
‘God said to me, “Will you fight for her?” And I said, “Of course I’ll fight for her! But how do I do that?” God said, “I’ll show you.” And he did! It was amazing.’
God restored Andrew and Kim’s marriage and together they returned to church—The Salvation Army in Belfast! Within a few months, Andrew and Kim were serving as assistants to the corps officers. Life was good. But then in 2013, tragedy struck.
‘It was one of the most devastating things you could ever imagine. It was such a shock. Ruby had this ticking time bomb inside her that we knew nothing about. She went to bed, slept, but didn’t wake up again.’
After everything he’d been through already, Andrew still shakes his head in awe when he says, ‘In the middle of the pain, there was something of God that I experienced that I couldn’t have experienced any other way. Scripture talks about treasures of darkness, and now I know what that’s about. We had this deep sense of being held the whole time. God kept showing us that he was with us. God is different in that sort of pain. You can taste him and it’s nothing like when things are happy and rosy. I didn’t and wouldn’t sign up for it. It was devastating but sacred.’
Andrew testifies to the loving care provided by their Belfast Corps family, and to some important lessons about how to grieve in a healthy and helpful way.
‘We’ve learnt that our grief is best when we live with Ruby as well as without her. We keep telling stories about her and laughing about the things she would have done. We own our grief because it is so very important for us as a family to carry Ruby with us.’
Never alone
Andrew went on to train as a chaplain, serving and caring for those connected with the racing industry in Aotearoa New Zealand for many years, and now helps train other chaplains within The Salvation Army.
In 2024, Andrew and Kim were asked to consider becoming the corps officers at their beloved Belfast Corps, now known as Christchurch North Corps.
‘It’s been the craziest, coolest thing ever! But the contrast between my two officership journeys couldn’t be more different—to the point that it is not even the same thing. I’m different, so it’s all different! I have a great spiritual director and solid spiritual practices and Kim and I protect each other’s space and make sure we are vital in our relationship with God and each other. Life is shaped around family—we’re grandparents now too, which is awesome! But when you reconnect with God’s grace and understand that not only is God’s grace there, but it is yours—that changes everything! Life is not the same anymore. Are there still hard days? Of course! We’re still learning, but we’re never, ever alone.’
Check out this video from 2022, Making a Difference—Salvation Army Racetrack Chaplaincy, to hear Andrew share what it’s like being a Chaplain in the Race Track industry and why this role is so important.’
