More Than Enough Love
Major Gill Waugh is not the sort of woman you define by the roles she fills or the hats she wears. Gill is someone defined by the indiscriminate love she carries for others. A woman of deep faith, Gill has certainly been tried and tested but she’s never questioned God’s love for her. As a mum and a nana, Gill testifies that as God expands her world in unexpected ways, there’s always more than enough love to go around.
It’s not the first time Gill Waugh’s been asked to describe motherhood, and so she’s not only quick with her response, but also quick to laugh as she shares it.
‘Motherhood is tiring, frustrating and overwhelming! But it forever remains a precious gift,’ she says. ‘And oh, how my two adult sons love to play on that, reminding me constantly that they are my “precious gifts”!’
The two sons she is referring to are Ethan (31) and Caleb (29), who together run their own mechanical business. And they really are precious gifts because fertility issues meant there was only a 10 percent chance of Gill ever being able to conceive.
‘I can still picture the day I found out I was pregnant with Ethan. I hadn’t told my husband, Neil, and so there was this moment—just me and God—of deep awe. And then we had Caleb as well, and I am just so very grateful to God every day for my boys,’ says Gill.
Mantel of love
Ethan is married to Suzie, and both have children from previous relationships. Ethan has a son called Josias (10), and Suzie has a daughter called Bella (13).
‘They are a lovely blended family,’ says Gill, ‘and I just love them to bits.’
Joined by Caleb who is back home awaiting surgery for a work injury, all six currently live at Gill’s place, and for good reason. When her beloved husband, Major Neil Waugh, died from cancer on 29 August 2015, their lives changed forever.
A year away from retirement age, Gills says, ‘I didn’t envisage Neil not being here for this stage of life. Neil and I would have no doubt been plodding along at home together on our own. But I love having everyone at home. I especially love having the grandkids around because they bring this whole other layer to giving and receiving love! The house is busy and it’s full on, but I’d probably eat Weet-Bix for dinner every night if they weren’t here to cook for,’ she says with a laugh.
Gill has never forgotten the day Neil was first diagnosed with cancer. Despite their shock and distress, God was close.
‘We sat in the car together and such an amazing peace came over us—God’s peace. It’s never left me, even now. Some days I just can’t explain it. But in the middle of everything that has happened, God’s peace remains and it’s such a beautiful gift and I am so grateful to God.’
Without a doubt, it’s Gill’s unshakeable faith in God that keeps her going and orientates her life.
‘I carry the spiritual mantle for our family now. Whether that’s bringing a word in season, covering everyone in prayer, or living out my faith day to day. Neil would have shouldered more of that responsibility, but now it’s just me, and I take that very seriously.’
Gill recalls going home after Neil’s funeral and sitting in her prayer chair in her bedroom and leaning into God. ‘I remember sobbing my heart out and saying, “Okay, God, we can do this”. I knew I had to keep going to keep my family on track. Sometimes life forces you, if you like, to keep that daily connection with God strong. I had to keep my eyes on Jesus for all our sakes.’
Nothing is wasted
Fifteen months after Neil’s death, Caleb was diagnosed with cancer—he was just 20 at the time. It was a huge shock for the family, but Caleb pulled through and is cancer free to this day. But following Neil’s death, Ethan struggled and sought solace in drugs and alcohol. When Caleb was diagnosed, Ethan’s substance abuse escalated, until one night he was involved in an aggravated robbery. He was later convicted and imprisoned.
‘I remember saying to God,“How much more do you think I can take?” It was the closest I ever got to asking the why question. I stayed away from that because I knew it was a bad place to go. I still asked, “How much more, Lord?” but soon that became a prayer. “What are you going to do with all of this, Lord—what are you going to use?”’
Throughout Neil’s illness, the couple established a daily practice of gratitude and thanksgiving.
‘To this day it’s one of the most important rhythms for me in life,’ explains Gill. ‘Even in the middle of all the cancer crap, or the hard days after Neil died and then Caleb’s cancer ordeal, that rhythm of gratitude and thankfulness cemented me back to God. I remember the day of Ethan’s sentencing, just sitting in God’s presence sobbing away and saying, “You have proven yourself to me so many times—you’re my rock and my hiding place”. That’s what’s kept me going. My faith and trust in God.’
Gill prayed for three things that day: first, that God would keep Ethan safe in prison; second, that God would open his spiritual eyes and give him a road to Damascus experience (Acts 9); and finally, that Ethan would be home in time to take his son Josias to school on his first day.
‘God answered every one of those prayers,’ testifies Gill. ‘I live on the answers to those prayers! They are like stepping-stones in my spiritual journey.’
God also answered Gill’s ‘what are you going to use, Lord?’ prayer.
‘Nothing is wasted. Who would’ve thought that I would end up with a little prison ministry! During those two years in the visitors’ waiting room, I could easily spot the newbies, and was able to go show them what to do. Sitting in the waiting room supporting other women became something I was so grateful for. You go through so much pain, but God will take that experience and use it for good.’
Mum’s the word
The child of officers herself, Gill speaks fondly of her own mum who went to be with Jesus 20 years ago.
‘I’ve never forgotten the quiet strength and deep trust in God she carried,’ says Gill. ‘Mum had the ability to make a lovely home wherever we were living and to make us feel safe. But it was the strength of her faith that had the most impact on me. I thought a lot about her when Neil was diagnosed. It’s her example I try to live by.’
One of Gill’s greatest joys is seeing her boys grow up to become good men, with Ethan recently being enrolled as a senior soldier of Christchurch City Corps and involved in youth ministry.
‘For all the challenges and mistakes, they’ve both turned out pretty good! They are both so caring and I see Neil in them. Caleb has his business head and they both have his good work ethic. I see Neil in Josias as well and that just warms my heart.’
Josias’s delivery was a waterbirth, and Gill was privileged to be there. ‘I caught him in my arms because he basically shot out into the water and landed right in front of me!’
Ethan went to prison when Josias was two, and while Gill never envisaged raising a toddler in her 50s, she looks back and sees God at work.
‘It was a big responsibility for me and Caleb—we did it together. But I think that journey continued to strengthen my faith and deepen it even more. Resilient is a word I use to describe myself now. God has grown that in me—it’s his work.’
Grafted in
Gill’s not just nana to Josias and Bella, and mum to her two sons and daughter-in-law Suzie, but there are also others who have been grafted into the family, like Shannon. During Gill and Neil’s appointment to Waitākere Central Corps and Community Ministries in Auckland, Shannon would come for lunch after church and spend hours chatting with Neil as they worked together on his model railway. A deep connection with the whole family resulted, and Gill and Neil ended up fostering Shannon’s niece Ania for two years. So, Gill is now also nana to Shannon and her husband Chris’s children, Asher and Hadassah, and also great-nana to Ania’s daughter, Elonka.
Gill says her image of God has enlarged over the years because of the love she has experienced in critical times during her life, and the people God has brought into her life during their times of trial and struggle.
‘I’ve never had any trouble drawing people in, and I think that’s what it’s about for me. God keeps increasing my world—adding to the family—and there’s no end to the love you can give. I love inviting people in to be part of that. How blessed am I because of the people I have in my life and who I get to love.’
Gill has some wisdom to offer younger mums: ‘Believe in yourself, look after yourself and do whatever you have to, to keep your own tank filled. That last one is about emotional strength and wellness. The more you do that, the more you have to give out to your kids—whatever age they are. And the house doesn’t have to always be tidy—that’s what makes it feel like home! God taught me that who I am is more than enough as a mum. And God’s got you, too!’
