The Courage of Women
Rob Harley’s seventh book, The Courage of Women: Journeys to the Crossroads of Resilience, is a must-read that will both challenge and change readers with its compelling content. The stories are shocking and stunning, speaking not only of the courage and conviction of the women they celebrate, but also of the cumulative impact the lives of these women have had upon the author.
Words Jules Badger
Rob Harley’s latest book is jam-packed with the heart-wrenching, tissue-pulling tales of women navigating lives most of us can barely imagine. From Ruatoria on the East Coast of Aotearoa to Waco, Texas in the United States, the stories Rob shares span the length and breadth of the globe. These women of courage face insurmountable odds and experience harsh suffering, and yet somehow hope takes root in their lives, perseverance stakes its claim, resilience wins and their story becomes one of triumph. And while there is no doubt that Rob is a sublime storyteller, these stories speak for themselves.
‘Here’s the thing about creating a book about heroes,’ says Rob. ‘If anyone tells the writer they have succeeded in creating something sublime, the credit—in the case of this new book about courageous women—must inevitably go to those warrior women who have fought in so many of life’s sweat-soaked arenas and truly deserve the acclaim. So please read and appreciate these gutsy ladies it’s been my privilege to know.’
Medium matters
Rob loves, respects and admires women. Both the content of The Courage of Women and Rob’s closing comments in the epilogue make this abundantly and inarguably clear.
The 70-year-old veteran journalist, documentary-maker, inspirational speaker, author and recent podcaster has launched a new website, ‘The South Head Vagabond’ full of great content. The medium doesn’t matter. Rob’s a storyteller. Technology has become his ally and by hook or by crook he’ll continue to tell the real and gritty stories of heroic humanity until the day he dies.
Of course, on the flip side, that also often means a foray into the very worst of humanity—the indignity and cruelty humans inflict upon one another. Such is the genesis of some of the stories Rob tells in The Courage of Women. In other cases, adversity comes via genetics, disease, culture and of course gender—which makes the telling of these stories so very important. Some of the women Rob writes about find themselves survivors of gender-based violence and human sex-trafficking. Rob gives statistics a human face and a beating heart. And while he would flatly deny it, that makes him a bit of a hero too.
Marked and marred
So why this topic—courageous women—and why now? Rob’s had his share of mental health struggles over the years, which is not surprising given all that he’s seen as a journalist in his career. The fact that many journalists suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is not all that surprising.
‘Journalism marks you and it mars you. You carry scars from the things you see and witness. It’s moments in time that just come back and whack you when you least expect.’
Rob once made a list of all the things he’d seen to try and decipher what had affected him the most. ‘It wasn’t filming 400 dead bodies in a hospital in Cambodia in 2012. It wasn’t seeing bodies being pulled out of wells in East Timor after the Indonesia militia had killed the local people. It wasn’t limbless kids in Kosovo. It was in Cambodia with a doctor called Susan Jack. She and her husband had gone to live in the slums, and she was holding a little boy who was brain damaged for want of a medicine she could have bought in New Zealand for $5. That broke my heart.’
It’s no surprise then that earlier this year Rob found himself in a psychiatric unit. He explains that it was a very therapeutic time and that he was put under the care of a Polish psychiatrist and a Serbian psychologist—both women.
‘They were incisive and just cut through my junk fairly quickly and identified some things. I suddenly started thinking about the perception of women. And I thought, many of the women I know see and understand things intuitively about you that men don’t get. There is something about the way a woman’s brain works. And I suddenly thought, sitting there in the hospital, women have been such a part of my story-telling journey.’
A favourite song of Rob’s wife Ali began to run through his mind: Only Women Bleed by Alice Cooper.
‘I first heard this song when Ali and I were dating, and I mistakenly thought it was a song about menstruation—which people often do. But when you listen carefully to the lyrics, it’s a song about the unique ways in which women suffer. It’s about women and their resilience. And suddenly I thought, I know so many great stories about the courage of women. And I felt compelled to tell them, so I set about writing.’
Moved and motivated
For the past nine months, Rob has immersed himself in the stories of courageous women. Many of the stories Rob has chosen to include have been drawn from documentary scripts—stories collected and curated during Rob’s long broadcasting career.
‘As a young man, I never imagined I would travel the world and see the things I’ve seen or meet any of these amazing women—it’s been an honour to have been in the company of such women, it’s mindboggling. What a privilege to hang out with women like these and have their lives of courage and resilience imprint themselves on me.’
The subtitle of The Courage of Women is Journeys to the Crossroads of Resilience.
‘What journalists like me tend to do is meet people at the crossroads of their lives, when they are making major life decisions. One of the stories in the book is about life at the crossroads for Ngāti Whātua women: They are making huge, huge decisions; and it is mostly women making these sorts of difficult decisions about what will go on in their bodies. As men we will never fully understand these sort of crossroads.’
During Rob’s mental health journey he has been helped by a woman called Naomi Cowan (MNZM) who runs EQUIP, a mental health service in Auckland. Rob asked Naomi to write the prologue of the book.
‘Naomi’s a brilliant woman. After reading the stories of the courageous women I’d included in the book, she said, “I’m humbled, and I’m challenged, and it makes me want to follow their example”.’ Rob hopes that the book will do just that—stimulate people (not just women) to be courageous.
‘I want people to read the stories of these incredible women and be moved and motivated. To think, wow, if she could do that, face that, overcome that, change that—maybe I can too. I hope that readers will think hey, maybe there is a repeatable experience for me here at some level of life.’
Master and muse
Rob describes Jesus as the ultimate storyteller. ‘Somewhere in the New Century translation of the Bible it says something like it was a great storytelling day, so Jesus told stories all day long. That’s how I recall it anyway—that’s what spoke to me.’
Rob says his favourite story in the New Testament is that of the adulterous woman in John chapter 8.
‘I love what Jesus says to her. “Where are those who condemn you? Neither do I condemn you.” There’s something about the way Jesus interacts with women that is so compelling. The fact is Christianity makes no sense without the humble Nazarene carpenter and all that he represented. I’ve long since given up the notion that God is a harsh ogre and a God who penalises, and that’s because of what I know of Jesus. The view I now have of God is that he is very tender. He’s understanding. I used to say in my preaching, “God is the God of the second chance and the third chance and the fourth chance. God is a God of many chances”.’
Rob continues to be entranced by Jesus.
‘And Jesus the master storyteller didn’t start by spouting Scripture, he starts with the now—with a sheep or a fig tree or a field or a coin. And he builds a bridge of truth from the everyday to God’s Word. Jesus is the muse for my storytelling.’
Rob pauses and says, ‘Can I please close with my utmost expression of love, not only to my wife Ali of nearly 47 years, but to the women of courage who have imprinted their influence on the life of one humble scribbler? Ataahua. Arohanui e nga wāhine toa.’
He explains that Ali stood by him through his worst years. ‘After a dear friend died by suicide, I self-medicated—survivor guilt. I trashed my liver. Ali stood by me through an incredibly difficult time of recovery after my liver transplant, years of black dog depression, unemployment, going bankrupt, losing our home—she stood with me. When I asked her why on earth she stuck with me, Ali said, “because I remembered that I married a good man”.’
‘Ali’s my rock. She’s just absolutely solid. On her Facebook page it says something like I am a relentless optimist who believes in the best in life. Ali is my optimistic rock. A woman of courage, no doubt about it. Thank God.’
